"To a lot of people, taking care of kids is not a job," says Ron Wilson of Aurora, Illinois, as he fetches juice for his sons -- ages six, four and two.

"They think I'm sitting home reading magazines. But those are the people who have never been home with kids all day."

Watching his sons for an afternoon while Mom runs errands doesn't count, Wilson explains. Men who are their children's primary caretakers -- day in, day out -- know that each day is an endless string of changing diapers, cooking, folding laundry, driving car pools, grocery shopping and trekking to the pediatrician.

"It's a good day when I can read the paper before my wife gets home from work," Wilson notes.

Still, he says he wouldn't trade his job for anything. Neither he nor his wife, Denise, a quality assurance manager for a promotional toy company, regrets the arrangement they agreed to in the mid-1990s, when he quit his job as a mechanical engineer. His answer to the superwoman's "do it all" credo: "You can do it all, but not at once."

In the U.S. Census Bureau's 1993 survey of income and program participation, 1.9 million fathers of children younger than age 15 defined themselves as the primary caregivers. That is the latest Bureau statistic for this category. But at-home dads themselves generally believe that their number grew steadily through the 1990s, as more of their wives headed back to work.

Peter Baylies, publisher of the At-Home Dad newsletter, cites his subscription list as evidence of that growth. Subscriptions soared from 100 to 1,000 between 1994 and 1999. His website receives more than 2,000 hits a week. Another website for the New Jersey-based newsletter Full-Time Dads, gets more than 1,500 hits a month.

"We've gone from freakish to unusual," notes Baylies, who is an at-home father of two young boys. "Now we're starting to see the results of the increase -- more fathering conferences and books, more dads with kids in advertisements, and `parent-tot' rather than `mom-tot' programs."

The traditional family, consisting of breadwinner father, at-home mother and children younger than age 18 -- which totaled 46 percent of America's married-couple families about a quarter-century ago, has yielded to a demographic crazy quilt that includes one- and two-career families juggling split shifts, flexible hours, part-time jobs and leaves of absence. By 1998, the percentage of traditional families had dropped to 26.

Although at-home mothers still outnumber their male counterparts, the men are coming along strong. And they and their neighbors are accepting their new titles and responsibilities.

"I've met people who said, at first, that they were musicians, writers or coaches," says Wilson, who networks with other at-home dads and attends conventions for fathers. "But really, they were only working a few hours. Now you can admit you're an at-home dad."

"There will always be someone who asks, `You're not man enough to get a job?'" says John Chapman, of Geneva, Illinois, a full-time father to his daughter Jenna, age eight, and his seven-year-old son Ian. His wife, Dr. Katherine Fackler-Chapman, practices family medicine. "You have to be comfortable with who you are," he says.

It so happens that women are not always supportive of this arrangement when they learn of it. But the reaction Denise Wilson and Dr. Fackler-Chapman hear most often from female co-workers is, "I wish my husband would do that."

Like most couples with an at-home dad, the Wilsons and Chapmans were two-career families who decided to simplify their lives by ditching, temporarily at least, the less lucrative job. They figured out the cost of maintaining two incomes.

"By the time we added up day care, clothing, commuting, lunches, dinners out, higher income taxes and higher car insurance, we figured out if both of us worked, we made only $3,000 more," Denise Wilson says.

Neither Ron Wilson nor John Chapman had a male role model for their new ventures. "I never baby sat, never had younger brothers or sisters," Wilson recalls. And Chapman notes that he brought to the job "absolutely no previous experience."

The on-the-job training requires a sense of humor, these fathers say. Wilson points to the questionnaire that was part of the screening process for kindergarten at his son's school.

"I answered all the questions, like `Can your child count?' and `What's your child's medical history?' Then I got to the last one -- `Did you have any difficulties with your pregnancy?' I wrote, `No.'"

There are occasional drawbacks to the role of at-home father. One is isolation. In fact, a 1996 study by a psychology professor at an Illinois community college found that 66 percent of the caregiver fathers felt "somewhat" or "totally" isolated, compared with 37.4 percent of caregiving mothers. And there are other passing issues -- too little free time, monotony, and concern as to whether they can re-enter their stalled careers, picking up where they left off.

Overall, though, the 1996 study revealed that more than half the fathers described themselves as "extremely satisfied" with the arrangement.

Ed Barsotti, of Aurora, is a part-time at-home father. He works a Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule as an electrical engineer, and his wife, Laurie, works Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday as a software engineer. Their companies allowed them to keep their health and insurance benefits. Wednesdays are a reminder of what life would be like if both of them worked full-time, juggling child care for their six-year-old son and three-year-old daughter.

"On Wednesdays, Sara goes to Grandma's," Laurie Barsotti explains. "Brian goes to school in the morning, then Ed takes him to a friend's house. At the end of the day, the dishes aren't done and the house is a mess."

Ed Barsotti believes men parent differently. "Laurie tends to do more quiet things with them at home," he says. "I do more adventures." Wilson, too, says his wife is more likely to draw pictures with the children, while he instigates the roughhousing.

The Chapman household is different.

"A lot of roles are not necessarily because of gender but because of circumstances," John Chapman suggests. "Traditionally, Dad threw a ball to the kids because Mom was making dinner. I make dinner, so Kathy throws the ball."

Although Ed Barsotti has reduced his salary and Chapman and Wilson have surrendered theirs for the time being, they all consider themselves well-compensated. Chapman and Wilson say their rewards are their children's health and happiness. Barsotti is more specific. It's "when my son comes over to me out of the blue and says, 'I love you.'"

The Chapman, Barsotti and Wilson children are too young to appreciate their good fortune. But Nate Szymczak, 21, a University of Illinois student, has a perspective on having an at-home dad. His father, Len, was home with him and with his sister, now 23, in the early 1980s, when they were growing up. Len, for his part, describes those times as "the days before men's rooms had changing tables."

"It didn't seem unusual to me at the time," Nate says. "But looking back, he was only dad at the first day of kindergarten. He was always there for us, which is probably why we still have a close bond that not all my peers have with their fathers. I don't see parenting as feminine or masculine. Men should and can spend a lot of time with their children."

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Leslie Mann is a freelance writer based in St. Charles, Illinois. She is a frequent contributor to the Chicago Tribune, in addition to other publications. Reprinted with permission by Leslie Mann. Copyright © 1999.

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