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Many of the social and behavioral aspects of
everyday life vary greatly from country to country. Some students
might find it initially difficult to understand the way Americans
behave and what they really mean to say when they use certain
phrases. It is difficult to generalize about U.S. social customs,
but the following practices are fairly standard.
> Greetings
> Use
of Names
> Friendliness
and Friendships
> Social
Invitations
> Dating
and Relationships
> Personal
Hygiene
Greetings
- "How do you do," "Good morning," "Good
afternoon," and "Good evening" are formal
greetings; usually people will usually simply say "Hi"
or "Hello."
- Upon meeting each other for the first time, men always
shake hands, firmly. Women often shake hands with people
they meet, but it is not universal. Upon leaving, Americans
will usually say "Good-bye" or simply "Bye."
More expressive salutations include "Have a nice day,"
"Nice to see you," or "See you later."
- Good friends, family members, or people in a romantic
relationship might give each other a hug or even kiss upon
meeting one another. This kind of greeting is reserved only
for people who know each other very well and share a very
close relationship.
- Remember that social customs might vary in different parts
of the country and between younger and older people.
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Use of Names
- First names are more readily used in the United States
than in other countries. It is almost always acceptable
to use the first name of someone of approximately your same
age or younger as soon as you meet the person.
- You should say "Mr." (for men) or "Ms."
(for women) and the person's last name when talking to people
in positions of authority, your professors, or your elders,
unless they ask you to call them by their first name.
- Some American women prefer to be called "Ms."
(pronounced "mizz") rather than "Miss"
or "Mrs." This is a neutral form of address that
can be used for married and unmarried women and can be useful
if you do not know the marital status of the woman you are
talking or writing to.
- It is not the custom in the United States to use "Mr.,"
"Mrs.," "Miss," or "Ms." with
a first or given name. For example, if you meet someone
whose name is Larry Jones, you would say "Mr. Jones"
and not "Mr. Larry."
- The use of nicknames is fairly common in the United States.
Being called by a nickname is not uncomplimentary if done
in good taste, and is often considered as a sign of acceptance
and affection.
- Do not be shy to ask people how they would like you to
call them and to say what you would like them to call you.
This will make introductions easier.
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Friendliness and Friendships
Americans are reputed to be friendly people. It is not uncommon
for Americans to be informal and casual, even with perfect
strangers. When in the United States, do not be surprised
if somebody you do not know says "Hi!" to you for
no reason. However, there is a difference between friendliness
and friendships. As in any culture, it takes time for friendships
and close relationships to form.
Americans' friendships tend to be shorter and more casual
than friendships among people from some other cultures. It
is not uncommon for Americans to have only one close friendship
during their lifetime and to consider other friends to be
merely social acquaintances. This attitude probably has something
to do with American mobility and the fact that Americans do
not like to be dependent on other people. They tend to compartmentalize
friendships, having "friends at work," "friends
on the basketball team," and "family friends,"
for example. Here are some other characteristics of Americans'
behavior in social situations:
- Americans might refer to acquaintances or people they
meet in class as "friends." However, there are
different levels of friendship, and even if they call these
people friends, they do not always have close emotional
ties to them.
- In the United States, people often will ask, "How
are you?" or "How are you doing?" when you
meet them. These are usually polite phrases more than personal
questions, and they do not always expect an honest answer.
If you are well acquainted with this person, you might say
how you truly are feeling. If not, the accepted response
is usually "Fine, thank you. How are you?" even
if you are not feeling very well.
- Americans often communicate with touch, by putting a hand
on somebody's shoulder to express warmth of feeling, by
giving a nudge to express humor, or a pat on the back to
express reassurance. Often they will hug when meeting. These
friendly gestures are common and should not be interpreted
as intrusive or disrespectful.
- Even if Americans tend to touch each other more often
than in some other cultures, they usually maintain a relatively
large physical distance between one another during conversations
or social meetings. Everybody has a different "comfort
zone" around them; do not be offended if an American
takes a step back as you approach him or her in a conversation.
- Men and women often have long-term platonic relationships,
which can surprise some foreign visitors. People of the
opposite sex might go to the movies, a restaurant, a concert,
or other event together without ever being romantically
involved.
- Americans generally enjoy welcoming people into their
homes and are pleased if you accept their hospitality. Do
not hesitate or feel uncomfortable to accept invitations,
even if you cannot reciprocate — they know you are away
from home and will not expect you to do so.
- Participating in campus life is a good way to make friends.
Every university offers various organizations, committees,
sports clubs, academic societies, religious groups, and
other activities where everyone with an interest can take
part.
As in any culture, it takes time to make good friends. Just
be patient, try to meet as many people as possible, and with
time you may form friendships while in the United States that
could last a lifetime.
Because the United States is a highly active society, full
of movement and change, people always seem to be on the go.
In this highly charged atmosphere, Americans can sometimes
seem brusque or impatient. They want to get to know you as
quickly as possible and then move on to something else. Sometimes,
early on, they will ask you questions that you may feel are
very personal. No insult is intended; the questions usually
grow out of their genuine interest or curiosity and their
impatience to get to the heart of the matter. And the same
goes for you. If you do not understand certain American behavior
or you want to know more about what makes Americans "tick,"
do not hesitate to ask them questions about themselves. Americans
are usually eager to explain all about their country or anything
American in which you might be interested. So much so in fact,
that you may become tired of listening. Americans also tend
to be uncomfortable with silence during a conversation. They
would rather talk about the weather or the latest sports scores,
for example, than deal with silence.
On the other hand, do not expect Americans to be knowledgeable
about international geography or world affairs unless something
directly involves the United States. Because the United States
is geographically distant from many other nations, some Americans
tend not to be aware of what goes on in other parts of the
world.
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Social Invitations
- Americans tend to be very polite people. This is often
expressed in conversations. It is common for an American
to end a conversation by saying: "Let's get together
sometime," "Come by for a visit when you have
a chance," or "Let's meet for coffee." However,
these invitations are usually not intended to be taken literally.
An invitation is not firm unless a time and place is set.
- If you have accepted an invitation or if a meeting has
been set, Americans usually expect you to arrive at the
agreed location at the right time. It is considered impolite
to accept an invitation and not show up or to arrive more
than 10 to 20 minutes late. Americans tend to be quite punctual.
If you have to cancel an appointment or know that you will
not be able to be on time, you should call your friend or
host to cancel or reschedule.
- If you are invited to a person's home for a party or dinner,
it would be a good idea to ask if this will be a formal,
semiformal, or casual occasion, since the way you dress
can be considered important for certain events.
- When formally invited to someone's home, it is considerate
to bring a gift to your host. Common gifts are a bottle
of wine, a box of chocolates, or flowers. No gift is expected
when friends visit each other casually.
- Thank your host or hostess when you leave. It is considerate
to send a thank you note as well or to telephone your thanks
the following day.
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Dating and Relationships
For many international students, American dating and relationship
rituals can be one of the most difficult things to understand.
Unlike many other cultures, American culture does not have
an accepted pattern of behavior that regulates romantic relationships.
While not universally true, you may find the following general
comments useful.
- Men and women generally treat each other as equals and
in an informal, casual way. There is often friendly teasing
between men and women.
- Traditionally, men ask women on dates, but it is considered
acceptable for a woman to ask a man out.
- Expenses on a date are sometimes paid by one person or
sometimes split between the two. The man will usually offer
to pay but will usually not protest if the woman offers
to pay in part.
- Going on a date in American society is to express the
desire to get to know the other person better. It does not
assume any kind of sexual involvement. It is unacceptable
— and in some cases even criminal — to impose one's sexual
desires on another person. Make sure you respect the other
person's wishes and, likewise, make sure you are not forced
to do something you do not want to do.
- Homosexual relationships, even if not widespread, are
commonplace in the United States. While many people are
still uncomfortable with gays (homosexual men) or lesbians
(homosexual women), it is usually not accepted to discriminate
or make derogatory comments against them. If you are gay
or lesbian, you will be able to find organizations, newspapers,
and magazines targeted to you in most American cities and
on some university campuses. If you are not homosexual and
somebody of the same sex expresses an interest, do not be
offended; just decline politely.
- Remember that every situation is different and must be
approached with consideration for the other person's standards,
values, and sensitivities. Remember as well that HIV, AIDS,
and other sexually transmitted diseases are present in the
United States, and you should always take the necessary
precautions to protect yourself from infection.
"I was an MBA student in the USA and I lived in the
university's coed dormitory. In my culture, usually, if a
woman talks to a man, it is a sign of romantic interest. Therefore,
in the first few days of school, I found it strange that so
many women were talking to me and I was under the impression
that some women on my dormitory floor were interested in me.
To return their politeness, I would buy them flowers or offer
small gifts, as is done in my country. However, I was quite
surprised to see that these same women now seemed uncomfortable
around me. One was even quite offended and told me to leave
her alone. Eventually I talked to the residence adviser on
my floor to see what I was doing wrong, and he explained to
me the way men and women usually interact in the USA. I was
quite relieved to hear that nothing was wrong with me, but
rather with the way I was interpreting my conversations with
women. Even though I did not find the love of my life while
I was in the USA, I still made many good female friends afterwards
with whom I still maintain contact."
— Nawuma, Republic of Togo
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Personal Hygiene
Every culture has accepted standards when it comes to personal
hygiene. Foreign visitors should therefore be aware of what
Americans consider appropriate and proper hygiene practices.
For some, American standards might seem exaggerated, unnatural,
or even offensive. However, if you want to fit in more easily,
you will want to adopt the practices that prevail in the United
States, even though doing so might not be easy. Here are a
few tips and suggestions:
- As a general rule, Americans usually consider that the
odors that the human body naturally produces — the odors
of perspiration or breath, for example — are unpleasant.
Americans usually wash with soap at least once a day to
control body odors and brush their teeth with toothpaste
at least in the morning and evening. In addition, they use
underarm deodorant/antiperspirant to control perspiration
odors, and they wash their hair as often as necessary to
keep it from becoming oily.
- While the practice is not universal, many people use perfume,
cologne, mouthwash, and other scented products to give themselves
an odor that others will presumably find pleasant. However,
Americans generally do not like others to use "too
much" of a scented product. Too much means that the
smell is discernible from more than a meter or two away.
- Most American women, though not all, shave the hair from
their underarms and their lower legs. Women also wear varying
amounts of makeup on their faces. The amount of makeup considered
acceptable is based solely on personal tastes and preferences.
However, some women do not shave their body hair or wear
any makeup at all, and they still fit in, without problem,
in American society. It is a matter of personal choice.
- Clothing should not emit bodily odors. The American practice
is to wash clothing that has taken on the smell of the wearer's
perspiration before it is worn again.
- The basic idea is that you should be clean. Makeup, perfume,
and cologne are not necessary for social acceptance, but
cleanliness is definitely expected.
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